They also have some concerns about his socialization and the fact that he’s timid around other kids (which his teacher mentioned again). He socializes really well with adults, but has a much harder time playing with kids. They’ve suggested lots of one-on-one play dates with kids who are 6 months or more younger than he is, so that he can be around kids who are closer to his developmental level. While we think school has been really good for him, he’s in a class with kids of mixed ages, and with a range of disabilities and/or delays, so they don’t present the most predictable social environment. The Children’s Hospital doctors are going to go observe his class within the next couple of weeks, and then George and I will go back to meet with them again and discuss next steps.
While I know how valuable it is to have the advice of professionals, it isn’t easy to hear their concerns. George describes the appointments as sobering; I describe them as a punch in the gut. I wonder where Charlie gets his flair for drama? We’ve just been so thrilled by what he’s been doing lately and how much he’s changed, so it is tough to focus on the things he isn’t doing well.
The doctors encouraged us to get Charlie to help us around the house. We’re not talking laundry or vacuuming (yet – hopefully someday!) – just helping to dress himself, helping “fix dinner” (put food on his plate), cleaning up his own toys, etc. We were explaining the battles we go through sometimes trying to get him to pick up, and the therapist said it’s not just obstinacy. Some of it is related to the fact that he has to work harder than other kids to do things. This may explain why he sleeps so much too (still 10 1/2 hours at night and 3 hours during the day) – he’s worn out. There are obstacles in front of him all of the time, and we should give him support and be there for him, but not swoop in and try to clear the obstacles out of his way. Easier said than done; doesn’t everyone want to make life easier for their kids? But I know they’re right. They also said we should validate his frustration – help him learn words to express when something is hard, but encourage him to keep trying. And if he starts to have a fit, just put an arm around him or stay close and let him get it out, but make him do it.
Last night I was trying to get him to pick up his toys and he was fussing, so I just let him fuss it out and then talked to him, and sure enough, he picked up all of his legos and toy fruit and put it all away! This stuff isn’t rocket science – I know a lot of it is just Parenting 101. But the occasional reminders are helpful.
All of the news wasn’t bad. They said they could tell what a sunny disposition he has, and how full of joy he is. And while he balked at many of the exercises they asked him to do, as soon as they “ignored” him and started talking to us, leaving the games within his reach, he did the skills/exercises he wouldn’t do for them. So that was nice to see. But clearly we still have plenty to work on. They reminded us that frustration and fear can eat away at his joy, so it is really important that we do everything we can to help him improve and gain confidence.
We had some good friends that we hadn’t seen in a while over for brunch yesterday. Here’s Charlie with Teri and his new buddy Jack, reading a story. Check out the look on Charlie’s face, so funny.
And here’s a recent picture of Charlie crashed out during naptime:
4 comments:
that's so tough, i can't imagine how difficult it is to hear the negatives when everything charlie does seems so amazing! what a sweet boy, i just know that someday soon he will be through all the struggles. i've been loving all the posts about his talking, etc!
Bear in mind, too, that when a developmental spurt occurs in one area, we almost always see stagnancy or even regression in other areas. It might not make you feel better, but at least you know it's NORMAL! Most of my students get Language, Physical AND Occupational Therapy. I can't tell you how often a motor therapist will come back from a session with a kid and say, "So-and-so was talking so much today!" or I have a session in which all we do is manage sensory needs and never get to language. It just makes sense to see a WHOLE child and not just individual skills. And when you look at Charlie from that perspective, he is nothing short of a miracle!
You know, this really just sounds so much like all kids to me. Like Allison said, kids do tend to work on just physical skills or verbal skills at one time. And being timid around other kids? That just seems so normal to me. I'm not sure how old Charlie is, but for a long time Norah was timid and sort of simultaneously fascinated and nervous about other kids. The year from 3 to 4 really saw a lot of that change and she got braver...I think it comes with age. And Norah NEVER wants to perform on cue...in her preschool mid-year assessment she would only write the first two letters of her name, when I know she knows perfectly well how to write the whole thing.
I wonder if sometimes therapists are so focused on helping a child improve that they lose track of the variations that are common in typical kids. Just keep your faith that Charlie is doing great...he is making such huge leaps and bound!
I appreciate the reassurance and comments, thank you all! I don't know why I always forget between appointments that this is how they go - but it is their job to help highlight the things he's not doing, not to praise the things he has learned. And it's nice to know that our experience isn't totally unique either! Thank you!
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