Today was not the best day.

Yesterday, Charlie started to develop a stuffy nose. As a result, he didn't sleep very well last night - I was up at 3, 4, and 5 with him, and George was up at least once as well. When we actually got him out of bed at 7:30, though, he was in a great mood, smiling and playing and pulling himself up to walk with his toy. And I got to be home to see it, because we had to go to his 18 month doctor's appointment at 9. Once there, though, he was not as happy, and neither was I. I learned that Charlie has not gained any weight since his fifteen month appointment. It is hard for me to believe that's possible considering how heavy he feels, but he weighed in at 23 pounds, still. He's on the charts, so that's great. But the doctor wants to see him pack on the pounds. So the eating is ON - apparently we should ignore all healthy instincts and feed him beef, mashed potatoes with butter, avocados, and ice cream. This is actually on the PRESCRIPTION pad from the doctor. Of course, on the day they tell us he needs to eat more, Charlie's runny nose seems to have led to an upset stomach, and he threw up all over himself and me tonight and essentially took in nothing. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is another day.

Other things I learned during his checkup were that he needs a follow-up visit with the developmental specialist at Childrens Hospital - a $400 appointment that isn't covered by insurance. And he needs an MRI to follow up on the brain bleeding he had in the NICU. To top it all off, I held him while he got THREE shots. I got one too, just to make him feel better - his pediatrician was offering parents' flu shots too. I don't think Charlie was impressed by my shot-taking bravado.

After that ordeal, Charlie had to come home to a visit with his physical therapist. Originally the PT was scheduled for Tues and the 18 month check-up for Friday - but as luck would have it, both rescheduled on us and converged on today, known hereafter as evil Thursday. Our new PT is not the softy our OT was, and while I wasn't home to see it, Pamela said she worked him very hard and he screamed very much. She said it broke her heart, so I am not so sorry I missed it.

I try hard to stay positive about Charlie's condition and what he needs and how well he's doing, but today all the less positive stuff really hit home. I'm glad I have an office door I can shut, since crying at the office is not something I like to show off. We had a speech therapy consult yesterday too, and while she fell in love with Charlie, she said his development is all over the map. Some things he does are at an 18 month level, some at a 12 month level, and some somewhere in between. But since he's not making any consonant sounds, she thinks he'll qualify for therapy, so we'll add 2 speech therapy appointments a month to his 2 PT appointments a month. The kid has quite the schedule.

The interesting thing about all of the news over the last 2 days is that none of it was terrible. I probably should have expected most of it. Certainly none of it was anything like the kinds of things we heard the first few weeks of his little life. But it just felt like a LOT to bear today, for whatever reason. I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow, but considering Charlie's been in his crib since 9 and would usually be silently sleeping, but tonight is crying out every 15 minutes or so, tonight may be another long night. Wish us luck!